|
Mug An Author Dot Com
There must be millions of thieves behind bars wondering where it all went wrong. Following the traditional methods of separating the vulnerable from their valuables like beating up old ladies, burgling homes, etc., more often than not they fell foul of the law. All they really need to do is move with the times. Today, with a criminal mind and a modicum of PC savvy the ungodly can do the crime without doing time in the largely unregulated Internet sector simply by forming a company and setting up a website. The Information Highway is swarming with highwaymen disguised as businessmen and racketeers rejoicing in the title entrepreneur, relieving the unwary and na' of their hard-earned possessions. Meanwhile the law, ever respectful of the man in the suit, hovers by the roadside scratching it's head, unable or unwilling to distinguish between villain and victim. There's a multitude of businesses to choose from. Creativity, or the ability to lie glibly, is much more important than acquired skill. Why not try publishing and kill two birds with one stone' If you still have the manuscript of that potential best seller, the one that's frayed around the edges from bouncing from one slush pile to another - hey, you could be your own first customer! Know-how is not an essential requirement. If the old people you mugged in their home believed you were from the electricity company after glancing at a fake ID, trust me, in the virtual world you can convince frustrated writers that you're the Second Coming. For Fake ID read Impressive Website and it's a known fact that most people who can string more than two words together believe they "have a book in them." Tell them it's true by offering to give their work the chance it deserves and they're hooked! Editing' Isn't that what a PC spell-checker does'
You'll need an accountant and a lawyer, preferably Mafia trained; also a hook-up with a printing house that specialises in print-on-demand (that's like a highly sophisticated PC printer), so you don't have big print runs to worry about. "Sell a few - print a few" is your maxim and be sure to get cash up front. A "no returns" policy means no wastage. Big retail outlets, especially those that are Internet-based, will come running. Use their names in your advertising to impress the authors while convincing them that their books will adorn the shelves of the main bricks and mortar bookstores - they'll love that line. Your web pages will be selling a dream, so don't let the truth spoil your marketing presentation. Tell those would-be authors that you're a TRADITIONAL publisher, and then offer royalties and a dollar up front to "legitimise" the claim. You can say you're the nation's Number One if you like - an equally meaningless phrase. Let them have two free copies of their own book for review purposes. Add something about sending out reviews then hit them with the clincher - ABSOLUTELY NO PUBLISHING FEE REQUIRED. All website promises can be modified later as you see fit. Now get your hard hat on because you're about to be drowned in a deluge of slush. Sure, there's a danger that you may sign up some writers with real talent (Travis Tea's "Atlantic Nights" - http://critters.critique.org/sting/ -springs to mind ) but don't let the thought scare you into reading a complete manuscript. This is a hit and run, mass production operation where quantity rules over quality. Send a standard patronising acceptance. While they're still floating on cloud nine, get their signatures on an airtight seven-year contract and, WHATEVER ELSE YOU DO, make sure they give you get a list of up to 100 of their friends and family members for pre-publication targeting. Because of the prohibitive cover price you will impose, those people could be the only ones who buy the book, besides of course the author - your main target - who will have little option but to spend as much as he can afford on bulk-buying his own product for re-sale. These sales don't earn royalties. Soon you will have deprived victims of their prized possessions and all but emptied their wallets, without resorting to violence or attracting the attention of the police. Show them their ......
Read More ...
|
